I need a cure. I have the virus, sadly so does a lot of people.
You see, it had started as a harmless gesture to save face. The thing about this was, it saved my face…a lot.
What do they say about drugs? A trial will convince you? Well, in this case, a trial got me hooked. The needle of the drugs pinned me down but I was so high, I didn’t know I had been pinned.
I contracted the virus. What started as a fall-back, a mistake had become my necessary fix.
As a creative, I jumped from novice to expert with minimal practice. I depended on hooking up with the virus, and I justified it with different reasons:
1. I’m stressed, and I need an out.
2. I couldn’t bear being embarrassed.
3. I can’t bear to lose out.
4. I can’t think of failing.
You see, the fuel for this addiction is the “I” or “me” factor. I took my eyes off the prize, and I got hooked on the wrong things. Just like drugs, I had to keep investing in it to stay afloat. While other drugs had you selling your properties to get your normal fix; mine was high maintenance; it had me selling my values, things I held dear. Gradually, they didn’t seem fundamentally vital. I needed saving.
I contracted the virus. It was stemmed out of being in this selfish world and focusing on me.
Borrowing a verse from Lecrae’s songs – If you do a U-turn you can see the one who turns. I hit rock bottom, had a wakeup call, the things I counted as important didn’t matter half as much. I realized:
- I needed to do a U-turn
- “I” or “me” didn’t matter
- I didn’t love myself more than God possibly loved me
- Proverbs 11:24 is very real, you that withholds more than necessary tends to lose it all
- God is omniscient for a reason
- My view of God and His plan was just a pint size of whom God really was
So I did my U-turn and I met with the God who turns things around. I behaved like losing everything wouldn’t matter…because it shouldn’t. I lived my life like I was accountable to only one being – God!
Of course, I still experience withdrawal symptoms. Then again, practice and being in the right *AA company works wonders. Proverbs 4:18 is real – “The path of the just is as a shining light, it gets more dazzling and brighter until the perfect day.”
My virus was lying, what’s yours? Don’t confess to me, check into the audience of 3 *AA group. No judgement no blames, just the manual to help you live life the way God created you.
Remember, when you feel the withdrawal symptoms ask for your coach’s help, the Holy Spirit. “…His strength is made perfect in our weakness…”
God is right where He has always been. You moved, you grew distant. Come back to your first love, He is waiting patiently just for you.
*AA – Addiction Anonymous
*Audience of 3 – Father, Son, HolySpirit
I’d like to say a special thank you for not giving up on me. In my inconsistency, you consistently keep reading. I especially want to apologise for my recent silence, you’re always in my thoughts. I’d keep sharing what I have inside me, don’t get tired of me just yet.