I kept having these insecurities of how much God loved me…….! Wait, that’s a lie, I never had such insecurities rather I was so used to being secured that I felt I was taking God for granted, I mean he is my friend but I kept having to remind myself that he is also my God and I don’t have treat him like my chain of friends (as a friendly girl, I have lots of friends!). I had no need to fret because God had just begun letting me know he doesn’t mind being my friend and my God. It’s been a year and I look back with tear-filled eyes to say thank you.
It all started one fateful hot Sunday, woke up with a splitting head ache I hadn’t had in like forever, went to church with it came back feeling better, I couldn’t tell my parents because my brother and sister had malaria (all the children couldn’t be sick at once?!), that day the sun wouldn’t just be fair it just had to be the saHEL savannah type of sun! All alone in the house with less than six hours to get back to university of Lagos’ soil I felt like I was the ground on the parade ground (I felt trampled on), my point is I was weak inside but had to put on a brave front, mumsy commented on my unusual high temperature but I told her it was the sun’s effect on my skin (if only I knew better). I left for school against my mum’s wishes, though she said I should treat myself when I got to school I desperately wanted to leave the house before popsy came back home, I desperately wanted alone time with God and couldn’t wait for Levites’ rehearsals (I loved the song I never got to sing!)
I made it to rehearsal alive but I guess I would have been better off dead with the way I felt, tried to sing and make every one think I was okay but it didn’t work (I am a very bouncy girl and I just don’t sit still during rehearsals, people noticed my stillness and knew something wasn’t just in place with me). The rehearsal went on but just when I was feeling better the storm came and all my brave front was washed away by the thunder storm at that point I laid on the altar and broke down and wept (I used wept because cried would have been putting it subtly), I got to the hostel a little bit colder than I wanted then I slept. In all these I was thankful to God that I made it alive to the hostel, I was thankful to God for bringing the storm, I was thankful to Him for having my back because he did, I knew deep down that I could be worse off, closing my eyes to sleep away the feeling of weakness I was above all grateful that April 26th 2009 had come to an end.
I woke up on the 27th feeling sick without the Jericho splitting headache and me the “teacher’s nose” (as my course mates call me) didn’t go to class), went to the pharmacist though, was given a timely drug for malaria that didn’t help, I couldn’t even robe for Monday fellowship, I was even too weak to stand for praise-worship session then I knew what it felt like to be desperate for the healing touch of God. The 28th wasn’t much better but I applied my powder and went to class I felt better, Wednesday came in a blur, I finished my medication and felt I was ready to rock my friend’s May first birthday cake and rice.
There came the 30th of April 2009, a day that my friends and hostel mates are likely not going to forget in a while! I had a sleepless night eager to go for Thursday Levites’ early morning prayer meeting, I practically ran there with my bible, got weak after some prayer points crying within me for God’s healing touch (oh yeah, I was going to get it but in some pretty intimidating package). All I can recollect from that day is making it back to my room and sleeping before my H.O.D’s course for 9:00 a.m. but from what I heard I didn’t make it to the lecture room as I had a seizure while having my proposed nap that left me unconscious.
I opened my eyes to find my mum’s worried eyes looking at me in a strange room, I asked and I got the answer, I was in the emergency room (ER) in Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH) and I was being treated for cerebral malaria, I thought that was all until I asked what time it was and she told me it was 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning (May 2nd) and that my friends were praying for me.
Restless by nature I was frustrated with the endless drips and the stay-in-bed order, it was in all these things I realized that though I was confident of God’s love for me, he still loved me more than my thoughts could comprehend. It was in my 2 weeks in LUTH that God showed me a new side to himself; you know how we teach a baby to walk by holding the baby’s hands and walking with them? That’s how God took me by the hands and watch me learn that:
He had forgiven me of my misdeeds
He had ensured that his angels will carry me “……. Lest I dash my feet against the stone”
He had covered all the bases, to ensure that I knew he loved me
As I worshiped him in his presence the Holy Spirit’s gentle touch was moving
Though I seemed alone in the ward, he never left
I sit here thinking about what would have been of me if I didn’t know Jesus, then I concluded that I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t know Jesus. It’s exactly one year since God made me a wonder and I know I will be forever grateful for taking me through that experience. I went back a little time later to LUTH as an out-patient, as I was being questioned by one of the naïve doctor’s, I told him I was admitted for cerebral malaria and he said out rightly that it was a lie that I couldn’t be this sane after the experience, I just smiled and remembered:
I am in this world but not of the world,
It is by his grace I am saved (Ephesians 2:8)
Who am I that you made a little lower than the angels
I am alive and well, your spirit lives within me because you died and rose again!
God’s AMAZING LOVE!!!!!
Sitting down here with my laptop today (I do a lot of thinking when sitting ‘cos I tend to sleep when lying down), though I was angry with some certain things that happened after I was discharged, I realized that God indeed was and is always ready to defend his interest in our lives. This thought came as a result of several WHAT IFS that came to my mind:
- WHAT IF I had gone to the world beyond with my pre-lecture nap?
- WHAT IF there was no car to take me to the health centre?
- WHAT IF I didn’t have close FRIENDS of mine praying for me?
- WHAT IF the seizures had caused some permanent damage to my brain?
- WHAT IF ASUU didn’t go on strike?
- WHAT IF my project supervisor didn’t understand enough to cut me some slack?
This is an advice, as you go about your business in this glorious ELEVENTH month of mine, I want you to LET your heart all out for God, he didn’t give up on me and surely wouldn’t give up on you all you have to do is LET HIM IN. Remember John 3: 16 and that he never fails! God bless you and know that Jesus rocks!
It would have been odd if I didn’t add a song:
You’ve won my affection
You’ve captured my heart
You have my devotion
My worship is yours
You’ve won my affection
You’ve captured my heart
Now I am yours
Forever—— Israel and New Breed (You’ve won my affection)
Even though God knows he didn’t have to prove himself to me, he still did.