LOVING in February

Remember the film; problem child (is it 1 or 2 not sure which of the parts) where the girl samg: “it’s my party and it’s my party and I will cry if I want to”? Well that’s what I’m doing this month ‘cos its my blog and I can do anything I like (naming my blog anything is part of it, read onJ)

Funny how we complain about our “EX”, our general idea of an “EX” is that “he/she broke my heart”, that may be true but have we really sat down to think of the lessons we learnt from every relationship gone wrong or should I say gone sour? Well…………………. I did and I came out with some shocking discovery; for every “EX” I made, I learnt a valuable lesson that is helping me in my present lovable relationship! Need you ask? I will answer it either ways: I’m not just in love, I’m glowing in love.
In my own opinion I have been in the dating scene long enough to learn, this might not be surprising to most of you but to some of you who thought you knew me, well I guess I shell-shocked you! While dating I learnt quite a few healthy tips……………. Kudos to my “EX”’s, they are in no order:
·         Patience
·         Communication
·         Strong will
·         Focus/ Goal
·         Good reason
·         Trust
·         Understanding of self-worth
·         Friendship
·         Mutual belief in God (which by the way is very important in any relationship)
Without wanting to bore you with my life “history” and also not wanting to raise unnecessary eyebrows I will not mention names {however tempting} (that’s not my aim for this blog’s edition…….@ least not consciously)!
·         Patience: I learnt in every of my past relationships that “patience” is indeed a virtue, I learnt that we are two different entities in a relationship so there’s no way we can react to things at the same time, afteral everyone has a different reaction span, so if you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you love him/her don’t make the person feel obliged to tell you the same immediately. That’s all for now (working on making it brief and straight to the point as possible).
·         Communication: please ladies/guys, the reason why it’s a relationship in the first place is because it’s a two-way communication, if we don’t say it out how will the other party know and in the case of us hurting, how will the other party know we are hurting, yet enough to change? Please ponder or as the Psalmist will say: “SELAH”. In two of my past relationships, the other party didn’t know that I was jealous and I had strong feelings for him (both different scenarios) until we were looking at the post-mortem of our failed relationship! What would have happened if I had talked out? It might not have worked out but we would have known that we tried! When the person is not that cop guy in HEROES how is your partner supposed to know what is on your mind?
·         Strong will: Daniel 1: 8a “………but Daniel RESOLVED NOT TO DEFILE HIMSELF” I know most of you will say : “ahn ahn but it’s the kings meal” it makes no difference, when entering into a relationship decide on what you want and are ready to give. I belong to the school of thought that you should keep yourself as a gift to your husband and I let it be known to everyone of my “EX” that that is my stand, bless them ‘cos they understood. In the words of my favorite rapper now (Lecrae) “if you give the guy without the ring on your finger it’s only going to come back and sting you” (by the way the name of the song is: WAIT). So decide and please stick to it!
·         Focus/Goal: what are you in the relationship for? For the fun of it? For life? You need to discuss (not in those boring “we need to talk” tone sha) with your partner what your relationship is about, In other words, you need to define your relationship.
·          Good reason: why are you in the relationship in the first place? For the fun of it? Social acceptance? Peer pressure? Or because you feel deeply for the person? I once entered a relationship because all my friends had one and I had no one to gist and play with, ended up breaking up with the guy because I was bored almost to the stage of ulcer! See! Woulda killed myself for NO GOOD REASON!
·         Trust: it’s a very fragile something, I’m not a jealous person by nature but that doesn’t mean the other party wasn’t, and it drove me nuts to see my integrity held so little, my advice: trust until you have a reason not to trust, it keeps the strain out of every relationship. If your instinct is telling you otherwise, find out before you jump into conclusion (and I don’t mean when your instinct is in paranoia level o)
·         Understanding of self worth: no one can rubbish you when you know your self worth and what you stand for! That’s what saved me in one of my “EX” situation, funny how the guy is still trying to break that down till now! some people never change! SMH RME!
·         Friendship: you end up marrying your friend is one of the most truthful saying I have heard, so why not start dating your friend (to avoid those awkward silence that stretch till forever!). I have been there and though some of my friends are my “EX” we still talk, I must also add that some friendships are too precious to mess up with dating.
·         Mutual belief in God: please “iron shappeneth iron” not wood and not stone, when your faith is down, someone has to be there to lift you up! Don’t date a guy “cos his/her bod is hot, consider him/her if he/she is hot in the Lord it makes it less stressful
Love a word that comes and goes but few people really know what it means to love somebody! It is according to some new saying: giving your partner a loaded gun pointed at your heart and trusting he/she not to pull the trigger! an advice that works: dont enter anything without praying!
Sorry couldn’t avoid it stretching soo long, I had a wonderful valentine experience, what about you? Like they say it’s the month of love! As my recent yahoo messenger profile goes, ofcourse I love you Ayotemi! (that’s a private message sha!) see you all in MARCH! I can hear parade grounds already! I love my readers but JESUS loves you most!

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