I ain’t good enough but he still loves me

This week we are continuing in the grace walk, last week with funto was eye opening; this week it just got better……

My feature writer this week is Oludayo Odunfa, he is one gifted writer whom we share a joint love for music especially Jeremy Camp, i told him to listen to i’ll take you back by Jeremy and he caught the vision….he is one of my friends that i can trust wholeheartedly…….a geniue lover of God. He writes about God’s love for us from a wrothless perspective and i hope you catch the rhema, i must confess, i edited a little bit here but the whole story line 99.8% is his’:

She tip-toed into the room cautiously, trying not to wake him. That was proven to be a bigger task than she assumed as she had taken one too many bottles this time around. The good thing was that he lay fast asleep on the bed, his back to her, meaning he hadn’t heard her as she entered the house and walked up the stairs thankfully! Maybe he should even hear her, she thought; then he would have been upset enough and would scream and shout and finally sign the papers and leave. But instead she was creeping in, hoping not to get caught; stupid her!

Finally, with much effort, she got to the couch and collapse in it. She removed her shoes and her jacket, but removing anything else was too dificult a task right now in this intoxicated mode. The jacket was still smelling of whisky boy. Whiskey boy because she had no idea what his name was and because he was fast enough at drowning her sorrows in that bottle of whiskey and guiding her to the bathroom stall for an encounter that was as fast over as her brain forgetting his name. She had been dissapointed.

Dissappointed with the night, dissapointed with her life. Here she was; a drunken 32 year old woman having one night stands with strangers and going home to a man who she desperately hated and wanted to divorce but who wouldnt let go of her. He wouldn’t sign the papers, he wouldnt give up. He said he loved her too much, wasn’t willing to give up that easily, was going to be by her side for better or worse, he wouldnt leave her. Even though he probably knew about the alcohol and frequent one night stands; he still wouldn’t let go, still loved her and she hated him for loving her this much and refusing to leave.

He should have left after the first miscarriage. If not, after the 2nd or third one. He should have left after she finally told him the truth, he should have left when the pressure started mounting, before his mother declared war and stopped talking to him, he should have left when he saw the neighbours whispering, he should have left when she gave up on herself. He should have left her all alone and started a better life for himself with a wife that would carry his child, yet he didnt and the more he stayed, the more she hated him!He laid in bed and looked at the bedside lamp: 3:22am.

He heard her creep in, he heard her collapse on the couch, he heard her cry. He wanted to reach out and hold her, wanted to keep her in his arms and whisper in her ears that everything would be fine, he wanted to remind her of their teenage years and the heart pendant he had gotten her that read: ‘its me and you against the world’, he wanted to be there for her and be a husband, be her husband. But he knew, he knew she wouldn’t let him.The only thing he could do was patiently wait, hoping and praying that she wouldn’t give up on them because he wouldnt; he loved her too much, so much it hurt.

So the question is; is she worthless or is she unworthy?Is she unworthy of his love or has she stooped so low she’s basically worthless?

The truth is; most of us have the same love story with God. We believe our lives are worthless so we run from God(borrowing a line from lecrae’s i did it for you: nobody said heaven was spotless, that’s why we need a holy God, he said come as you are though we smell like smoke, he will do the cleaning). We say we have done done too many crazy things and committed so many sins,we can’t possibly make it right. What we don’t know is that what God loves the most is taking the worst of people and turning them into what they never thought they could be!No matter what they say, you’re not worthless in God’s eye. No matter what they say you’re not unworthy of his love. Afterall, He sent His son to die for you and me just to get your attention.

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